June has been the start of my new grizzled lifestyle as a he-man/laborer. I moved from Astoria to Brooklyn, and now I gotta relearn all new brunch and bagels, it's very exhausting. The move was great because I have strong friends and I'm probably going to get a job as a truck driver now and I think I have a beard?
Last weekend me and my roommate went to Ikea (hell) and bought a fully assembled couch 'as is.' Good deal! My roommate is about 5ft tall and I have noodles for arms so getting it into the apartment was a hoot and a half. The couch was made of solid lead and luckily my screams of "WHAT HAVE WE DONE" attracted our nice and handsome neighbor who came out to help us. With the power of team work we still failed to get the couch in the door without taking it apart. So we took it apart.
THIS weekend's project was our jungle back yard! Nice jungle trash pit is now a regular pit for parties and barbecue!
The main concern in the house now is that we almost certainly unearthed the cover up of a grisly murder or baby burial from around 1992, judging from the collection of toys and bones we found.
These are drawings of two people I saw while walking around this weekend.
Who is this old fireman and what is he doing? Where are his pants? Is he allowed to just use his fireman coat as a regular coat? What has Sharon done this time? I mean Jesus Christ, Sharon! This man's a hero!
On Wednesday I went to Trader Joe's to buy Thanksgiving wine, and as is the case preceding any big day event in New York, there was a line outside to get into the wine shop. This guy cut in front of me because I wasn't shuffling forward fast enough, and rushed into the shop. Then me and my new best friends (the line attendant and the people behind me in line) all raised out hands in a 'are you kidding me' gesture and said stuff like "Well SOMEbody needs a drink! Ha!"
Then I got inside and saw him just wandering around having this stupid phone conversation. Does this guy even know how anything works? How many ovens are in this guy's apartment? La dee dah, right? I'll give you something free range, ya line cutter - my free range fist! Right?
I was walking home today and this lady came up to me and asked me where the Kentucky Fried Chicken was. While I was trying to remember some other lady came up and told her for me. Then we were walking the same way so she was next to me and started telling me about this new burger place that opened up, "But they only got that Halal meat." I said, Oh yeah that place looks good, I've been meaning to try it. And she said, "Oh really? You like that, uh, that Halal meat? That's like, uuh, like uhh, like some kinda weird meat? Like some kinda tofu meat?"
This girl is the worst person in the whole world, and has many opinions about all matters. I was stuck next to her on a plane for approximately 1 eternity.
This guy sat on the other side of her and encouraged her. Come on man, she's not going to blow you no matter how long you listen to to her talk about how non-white academic achievements are meaningless because of affirmative action. (This guy was Puerto Rican and a PhD candidate. I think the girl just forgot that he told her that or wasn't listening. Beautiful.)
I slept in the airport that night on a cot with some refugees and this lady's cot broke because she was too fat. It happened in the middle of the night right next to me. I heard it break and then I peaked over and just saw this lady sitting there shaking her head. She just rolled over and went back to sleep on the ground.
This guy was enjoying an ice cold frappe while discussing all the babes his buddy used to get before he got with his new bitch girlfriend. "He was bringing home 8's and 9's! Fucking 8's and 9's. Man."
Smooth heatwave mailman. Neither rain nor sleet nor fiery pit of hell.
Remember that time when I used to post things on the internet? Well that time probably would have been over forever except I got this in the mail yesterday!!
This summer I had the great opportunity to draw the cover for Charlie Slick's new album Farout Indian. Charlie Slick makes some of my top favorite music to dance to. You can own this recording for only 10 bucks! Ten dollars, are you kidding me, you can't get anything for 10 dollars anymore. Only buy it if you
like being happy. The title track is my favorite and it makes me dance
around like an idiot.
See if you can spot the hidden self portrait.
I started two graphic design internships in September, because why do one
when you can do two like a crazy idiot, and with nights in retail I've
been working about 70 hours a week. So that's why I've been dead. It's
working out OK. Both internships are very hands on and I'm learning a
ton, and I'm excited to see how what I'm learning effects my personal work.
The main negative thing about the whole 70 hours a week thing is I've become a coffee drinker. I
made a pretty good effort over the years to not rely on it, getting
through college with cups of tea instead, but I finally broke down. I
want it all the time. I finish a cup and instantly want another cup.
Update on the guy across the street because you care: He has a fence now. He built it
over 3 consecutive Sunday mornings. I bet he feels like a king now. We
eat breakfast together every morning. And by eat breakfast together I
mean I scarf down cereal while staring at him and he smokes about 4
cigarettes before I finish.