Sunday, December 9, 2012

little babies

I just want them and until then everything is terrible.

Monday, November 26, 2012

Gobble Gobble

These are drawings of two people I saw while walking around this weekend.

Who is this old fireman and what is he doing? Where are his pants? Is he allowed to just use his fireman coat as a regular coat? What has Sharon done this time? I mean Jesus Christ, Sharon! This man's a hero! 

On Wednesday I went to Trader Joe's to buy Thanksgiving wine, and as is the case preceding any big day event in New York, there was a line outside to get into the wine shop.  This guy cut in front of me because I wasn't shuffling forward fast enough, and rushed into the shop. Then me and my new best friends (the line attendant and the people behind me in line) all raised out hands in a 'are you kidding me' gesture and said stuff like "Well SOMEbody needs a drink! Ha!"
Then I got inside and saw him just wandering around having this stupid phone conversation. Does this guy even know how anything works? How many ovens are in this guy's apartment? La dee dah, right? I'll give you something free range, ya line cutter - my free range fist! Right?

Monday, July 30, 2012

Halal neighborhood

I was walking home today and this lady came up to me and asked me where the Kentucky Fried Chicken was. While I was trying to remember some other lady came up and told her for me. Then we were walking the same way so she was next to me and started telling me about this new burger place that opened up, "But they only got that Halal meat." I said, Oh yeah that place looks good, I've been meaning to try it. And she said, "Oh really? You like that, uh, that Halal meat? That's like, uuh, like uhh, like some kinda weird meat? Like some kinda tofu meat?"

Monday, July 9, 2012

Let me introduce you to these fine people

 This girl is the worst person in the whole world, and has many opinions about all matters. I was stuck next to her on a plane for approximately 1 eternity.
This guy sat on the other side of her and encouraged her. Come on man, she's not going to blow you no matter how long you listen to to her talk about how non-white academic achievements are meaningless because of affirmative action. (This guy was Puerto Rican and a PhD candidate.  I think the girl just forgot that he told her that or wasn't listening. Beautiful.)

I slept in the airport that night on a cot with some refugees and this lady's cot broke because she was too fat. It happened in the middle of the night right next to me. I heard it break and then I peaked over and just saw this lady sitting there shaking her head. She just rolled over and went back to sleep on the ground.

 This guy was enjoying an ice cold frappe while discussing all the babes his buddy used to get before he got with his new bitch girlfriend. "He was bringing home 8's and 9's! Fucking 8's and 9's. Man."

 Smooth heatwave mailman. Neither rain nor sleet nor fiery pit of hell.