Monday, July 30, 2012

Halal neighborhood

I was walking home today and this lady came up to me and asked me where the Kentucky Fried Chicken was. While I was trying to remember some other lady came up and told her for me. Then we were walking the same way so she was next to me and started telling me about this new burger place that opened up, "But they only got that Halal meat." I said, Oh yeah that place looks good, I've been meaning to try it. And she said, "Oh really? You like that, uh, that Halal meat? That's like, uuh, like uhh, like some kinda weird meat? Like some kinda tofu meat?"

Monday, July 9, 2012

Let me introduce you to these fine people

 This girl is the worst person in the whole world, and has many opinions about all matters. I was stuck next to her on a plane for approximately 1 eternity.
This guy sat on the other side of her and encouraged her. Come on man, she's not going to blow you no matter how long you listen to to her talk about how non-white academic achievements are meaningless because of affirmative action. (This guy was Puerto Rican and a PhD candidate.  I think the girl just forgot that he told her that or wasn't listening. Beautiful.)

I slept in the airport that night on a cot with some refugees and this lady's cot broke because she was too fat. It happened in the middle of the night right next to me. I heard it break and then I peaked over and just saw this lady sitting there shaking her head. She just rolled over and went back to sleep on the ground.

 This guy was enjoying an ice cold frappe while discussing all the babes his buddy used to get before he got with his new bitch girlfriend. "He was bringing home 8's and 9's! Fucking 8's and 9's. Man."

 Smooth heatwave mailman. Neither rain nor sleet nor fiery pit of hell.