You're making a terrible mistake.

Farout Indian

2011-11-08T21:45:00.000-05:00

Remember that time when I used to post things on the internet? Well that time probably would have been over forever except I got this in the mail yesterday!!

This summer I had the great opportunity to draw the cover for Charlie Slick's new album Farout Indian. Charlie Slick makes some of my top favorite music to dance to. You can own this recording for only 10 bucks! Ten dollars, are you kidding me, you can't get anything for 10 dollars anymore. Only buy it if you like being happy. The title track is my favorite and it makes me dance around like an idiot.

See if you can spot the hidden self portrait.

I started two graphic design internships in September, because why do one when you can do two like a crazy idiot, and with nights in retail I've been working about 70 hours a week. So that's why I've been dead. It's working out OK. Both internships are very hands on and I'm learning a ton, and I'm excited to see how what I'm learning effects my personal work.

The main negative thing about the whole 70 hours a week thing is I've become a coffee drinker. I made a pretty good effort over the years to not rely on it, getting through college with cups of tea instead, but I finally broke down. I want it all the time. I finish a cup and instantly want another cup.

Update on the guy across the street because you care: He has a fence now. He built it over 3 consecutive Sunday mornings. I bet he feels like a king now. We eat breakfast together every morning. And by eat breakfast together I mean I scarf down cereal while staring at him and he smokes about 4 cigarettes before I finish.

It's taking too long to get to the good parts.

2011-09-14T00:58:00.003-04:00

There aren't really any good parts.

progress

2011-09-01T01:08:00.003-04:00

The whole comic just needs to look like that first panel.

Survivor

2011-08-29T01:44:00.007-04:00

It is the most beautiful day outside! There is not a single cloud in the sky. I guess everything is back to normal now. The trains were back up and running this morning.

Here's a picture outside my front window which I have been sitting and staring out of for a total of about 30 hours this weekend. If you can see that guy out there, he is always on his porch, and I am always looking at him.

Yesterday wasn't quite a hurricane but the winds were still really high, and he was out there with a leaf blower, blowing the leaves off his porch. Just let that image sit around in your mind for a while, it's beautiful.

Anyway here's another page to my comic.

I thought hurricane season was over.

2011-08-27T10:33:00.012-04:00

Here I am preparing for my very first hurricane. The subways are shut down and everyone's just sort of waiting for the storm now. I went shopping for supplies yesterday, since I was due for groceries anyway, and wanted to stock up on storm necessities like toilet paper and wine. There was a line out the door to get into Trader Joe's and a separate, longer line to get into the neighboring Trader Joe's Wine Shop. My coworker and I split up and it was madness. Trader Joe's in Manhattan is a clusterfuck on a good day so I wanted to die the entire time I was in there, but I wanted the whole disaster riot experience. Some of the shelves were empty, but it was like, the chips and the juice and the cookies shelves. You know, supplies.

We've got bottled water and food and candles and flashlights and toothpaste. I'm looking forward to just holing up here for the weekend. I downloaded some tv shows to watch, and I plan on getting some drawing done. We have a nice big window in the living room to watch the storm from, and to get pulverized by flying debris from.

I love sitting at this window and watching all my neighbors walk by. One time I saw a little boy walking his dog in the rain, crouched over, holding an umbrella over his dog instead of himself. Are you kidding me? Most adorable thing ever?

I figured I would do a post about my neighborhood, in case the hurricane destroys it and I live in a rubble pit on Monday. (On Monday I will do a post about my rubble pit).

The second floor is ours. The two giant SUVs belong to our landlord.

We live in Astoria, Queens, and we completely love it. We're a block from one of the main streets, Steinway, and if you go up a block from our apartment, the street is almost entirely hookah bars. If you go down one block, there is an overwhelming amount of discount mattress stores.

There are also a crazy amount of these little coin operated rides.

These are what I pass on my 10 minute walk to the train. I see kids on these rides ALL THE TIME. It took me a few days to get pictures of all of them because there is always a kid on them. I hope they'll survive the storm! (Both the kids and the rides, I guess.)

I also pass this restaurant.

And this night club.

And these sassy doctors at the Astoria Fashion Palace.

And Jake and Elwood at Astoria Optical.

It's pretty good.

Yeah!

2011-08-19T12:42:00.003-04:00

Lyin'

2011-08-18T13:54:00.006-04:00

Do you remember the lion story? Well it's back to being all I can think about. I think this is going to work this way. I have it mostly drawn out, it's gonna be 16 pages. I know I'm going to have to go back in and tweak the grays because I've got like 90% grays next to 95% grays and that is never going to print or even be visible on anyone's screen but mine.

Let me know if it doesn't make sense, my challenge is to tell the story first without relying on the words, because I am in love with the words and it's never good to be in love with anything you make because it will ALWAYS HURT YOU.

This might be happening???

2011-08-16T16:45:00.002-04:00

Page 1 of 16???

air repair

2011-08-07T21:24:00.008-04:00

The end of July brought a doozy of a heat wave to New York. Temperatures were over a hundred and everyone was miserable, and I spent it working at an air conditioning repair company.

The place was a small family company, and by family company I mean everyone there hated each other and screamed at each other all day long. They all had thick Brooklyn accents and called each other fucking morons about 3 times an hour. Any time I heard any of them talk to a customer on the phone they slammed the receiver down afterward and said, "Idiot." I was in heaven.

On Monday I was filling in for this girl who was on vacation, and they asked me to stay and help out during the heat. I came back on Tuesday and met the girl back from vacation, who I was supposed to be helping out by answering the phones. She got mad.

So they told me to go sit in the other room and "Chill out for a bit."

I went and sat in that room at a desk with no computer. I hadn't brought a book or anything and I didn't feel like drawing. So I just sat there for about an hour while everyone yelled at each other. The phone would ring and I would make an attempt to pick it up before the other girl did, but I was feeling pretty dejected.

After a while I think they forgot about me and I got bored so I decided I was going to answer the phone no matter what.

This ended up working out ok. I didn't know what to tell anyone who called so I just wrote down what they said in a notebook and told them I'd call them back. I never called anyone back. I wanted to call them back, but when I took my notebook around to the people in the office, no one knew the answers to anything. When was a technician going to such and such address? Can we install this? Something something service contract?

At first I thought I was just bad a taking notes, but it turns out the company just didn't know what the hell was going on, ever, at all. There was no order for how the technitions made visits. The main boss's son decided who was going where, and he just did whatever.

All I could do was tell anyone who called that I had no idea when someone would get there and that I would try and find out and I would call them back when I knew. Then I just waited in fear for them to call back to yell at me.

This went on for 2 and a half weeks.

The phones would stop ringing in the afternoon so they set me up with some bills to enter into the computer and a stack of past due invoices to follow up on. That was horrible, but at least I got to practice my polite but firm voice, which I practice at every opportunity. Most of it ended up just whoever the accounts payable contact was, they'd since been fired or something, so I was just tracking down someone new to fax it too. I like detective stuff like that.

They set me up in some lady's office to enter the bills, and she had this little gem on her desk. Yep.

But then last week it was some guy's birthday in the shop and she brought in a cake from a bakery. A BAKERY. So she can't be all bad.

I was wondering where you'd buy something like that so I tried to find it online, and came across it in this calalogue, next to a forest nymph.

museum day

2011-08-03T17:50:00.003-04:00

I finally got around to seeing the Alexander McQueen exhibit at the Met today. I only had to wait in line for and hour and a half, which is a steal. When I got to things like this, I almost always end up being more interested in the people than what I originally went there to look at. It was so crowded in the exhibition space and people were touching me on all sides and it was pretty hard to concentrate.

There was this one girl in front of me who was live blogging the exhibition. It was the second room and she was already composing a post about it. Because I have no concept or interest in privacy, and also because I was smashed up so close to her by the crowd, I read her post over her shoulder. It was all like, "The beauty and the wonder and the magic that I have come across in the Alexander McQueen exhibit is astonishing and earth shaking or something. I am so glad this man got to live for a brief time to give this world this whatever." Like she seriously wrote like that. If I could have punched her by rollng my eyes I would have. Here's an idea, maybe take 5 minutes to look around and be overwhelmed by all the majesty that is affecting you so much right now. If you can blog about it while you're right in the middle of it, it can't be that great. A sercurity guard asked her to put her phone away and she kept it out, and then I was glaring at her so hard because I hate it when people don't listen to security guards.

Then for a while I was behind this other lady who was repeating the audio commentary back to everyone around her. I liked her because I hadn't bought the audio guide and I love those things. Then she got too engrossed and stopped narrating so I moved on to this old grandma ad grandpa. The grandma was going "Hey how about this one" to every thing and the grandpa was going "Hah!" to everything. There was this one dress that was very beautiful and it looked probably the most like a normal dress out of anything else there, and the grandma was like, "Well what about this one, this one is very nice" and the grandpa looked at it, and gets kind of upset. "The skirt is too short! Not unless it's for a teenage girl or something! It needs to be a few inches longer. Then it would be nice. UGH!" So close. Also the skirt went down to the knee.

If you want to know what the hell I've been doing this past month: New York has been having a heat wave, and I've been working at an air conditioner repair company. Not even joking. Also we were apartment searching. So many hells. More on that junk tomorrow.

pancrap

2011-07-16T11:16:00.003-04:00

Thursday night I was at the grocery store when suddenly I really wanted pancakes. I don't even like pancakes. The syrup makes me feel sticky all over and it's too much cake but not cake, but for some reason I always THINK I like pancakes. Three bites in I remember that I don't, but there is some flavor and texture that I crave that I associate with pancakes in my mind. An association that is obviously wrong.

I've made pancakes four times since Thursday, and each time I am frustrated by how bad I am at it. I keep thinking, if I make it right, it will taste like how I want it to. But I'm finally starting to think that whatever I'm craving probably can't be made out of pancake batter.

This morning's attempt was the closest I've come to making what the box probably wants me to make. It's the right color, just the wrong shape. And completely NOT WHAT I WANT.

Also, since pancake batter doesn't grow on trees, I now I have to eat all of the ingredients I bought or I will never be able to justify another treat again.

hey bro

2011-07-14T22:30:00.004-04:00

What do you think this guy was thinking about? Probably cheeseburgers, right. ME TOO!

If you ever wondered what a "professional air guitarist" looks like, it looks like this turtle.

Today on the train, me and a businessman both went for the same seat. The last seat. The businessman won. What the hell, businessman? You've been sitting down all day! I earned that seat by wearing uncomfortable shoes today!

Get outta here!

2011-07-12T14:55:00.005-04:00

Got friendly with this guy on a crowded train the other day. That pole is for SHARING. I really enjoyed gently caressing your face as I tried not to fall over when the train jerked forward.

Sudoku is serious.

2011-07-10T00:53:00.001-04:00

pretty much all I think about

2011-07-08T00:21:00.001-04:00

Centepedes I almost saw today:
a piece of lint
a piece of hair
a bobby pin
a shadow

America's Birthday

2011-07-07T01:43:00.006-04:00

I just want to tell you guys what my perfect day would be, if I got to pick all my favorite things to do. That's pretty much what the 4th of July was this year.

I started off the day with one of each of my 3 favorite breakfast foods: english muffin, donut, and bagel with cream cheese. You can eat whatever you want on the Fourth of July, I'm pretty sure it says that in the constitution. Then me and my roommates headed out to Coney Island for the hot dog eating contest, the most American of sports.

I could tell you the story like this: We went to Coney Island, we saw the hot dog eating contest, then we went to the beach and ate a hot dog, then we went home, it was great. But then you wouldn't understand all the weird things that made the experience different from the television. So I tried to write down all the key things that could really make you feel like you were there, but as I was writing this I realized that most people probably just want to hear the one sentence version and then want me to shut up. So there's that version, you can pretty much stop reading now.

The opening ceremonies of the whole shebang began with a girl singing the national anthem, which was fitting, I guess. Standing next to her was a guy in a hot dog costume. If you didn't look too closely, you could pretend that the hot dog was singing the anthem.

Then there was the kids version of the contest, which they called something like "Meat" Eating Contest but they were saying some word that sounded like "meat" but wasn't, and no one could understand what it was over the microphone. Everyone was like, oh god what are they doing to these kids. It eventually became apparent that it was a "Neat" eating contest, to be judged on manners. Real cute, right? The best part was the few kids who either didn't understand the contest, or didn't care, and were eating as fast as they could anyway. This one kid was really going at it. The asshole MC announced that everyone tied for first place and that kid was broken hearted.

Then they had an old guy and a young guy doing flips on a trampoline. The old guy was an "Olympic silver medalist" and a "Guinness World Record holder." He jump-roped with a hoola hoop, and I think that's what his world record is in.

Then they introduce the celebrity guest, Nick Cannon, but he didn't really do anything. He was just like "Hey, uh, glad to be here." I don't think he came back for the rest of the show. Maybe once. I don't care.

Then they had the first official women's contest, and they were all wearing tshirts and not bikinis, so I was happy. This contest was pretty exciting and I was pretty into it. The lady who won ate 40 hot dogs. She was already the record holder with 42. That's crazy. When they announced her at the start they said she weighed 102 pounds. I don't know how many pounds of hot dogs 42 is, but it's like, way too big of a percentage of her body-weight to be eating. She's an athlete and I love her. Here's her wikipedia entry: Sonya Thomas

After the women's contest I was about ready to be done, and they kept drawing out the show by shooting tshirts at the crowd. They had this one guy on the stage, and introduced him as a past competitor that wasn't able to compete. Then they had him do a rap. It was so embarrassing and I wanted it to stop. I couldn't tell what he was rapping about. The only way I can make it ok for myself is to imaging he was rapping about hot dogs, and even then, it's pretty awful. He even came back later and did another one. They did a bunch of other crap that I was too hot for, so when it was finally time for the main event I was pretty happy. They announced all the eaters with little videos and it looked just like when you watch professional wrestling. We all picked out favorite based on the video, mine was this guy because of his Ultimate Warrior mask. His nickname is "Eater X." They all have nicknames like that.

The old champ Joey Chestnut won, so it wasn't too exciting, but it was pretty gross and funny to watch his technique. This picture has been making me laugh for about 3 hours.

Then it was over and we tried to get out of there as quick as possible, but almost got trampled.

Did you know: There's a ride at Coney Island called "THE GHOST HOLE" which I want to go on before I die, but can't go on until I live a long and full life because it will probably kill me.

THE GHOST HOLE. Are you kidding me? I could never have made up a better name for a ride if I had thought about it my whole life.

Scary!

We didn't have any time or money for rides so we trekked on to the beach, which was packed full of people having the time of their lives in the filthy water, and that made me pretty happy. Me and Allison waded in up to our knees, and I probably would have dove in right there if there weren't so many kids in my way.

We were hot and sunburned, but I didn't want to leave without getting a coney dog, so we went to go stand in line. The line to order wasn't so long, and I ordered a chili dog. After we ordered we had to go into the pickup line, and that was a complete disaster. We had a receipt with a number, and they were calling numbers, but they were also just taking the receipts of anyone who would crowd up to the window. The people in front of us were a group of foreigners with this one guy trying to explain to them what everything was, and I loved how long it took everyone to understand what a corn dog was. It was seriously beautiful. He was in the wrong line though.

The second line was some kind of hell and some other lady almost killed everyone when they wouldn't let her order from the pickup window. I didn't think anything would be worth all that drama, and let's be real, when I finally bit into that hot dog, it wasn't. But it was pretty close to being worth it.

When we were walking back to the train, we sort of got into a fight when these teenage no-goodniks were throwing exploding caps at the crowd (you know that kind that you throw on the ground and make a loud bang?) and couple of them hit us. Josh turned and told the kid that he had hit him and that he couldn't just throw things at people, and the kid apologized with a shit eating grin, and then the girl next to him was like, "We didn't mean to hit anyone," and then I lost it and yelled at her and called her a liar and that throwing things at a crowd made her a piece of shit and that was it. Somehow the fact that there was this stupid girl being impressed by this stupid guy made me the most mad. Anyway, I guess we won, only because we didn't get pelted by caps to the back of our heads when we turned to walk away. Josh and I are now in a gang and we will fight anyone so LINE UP!

When we got back to BAY RIDGE we had a short internet break followed by a last minute trip to the store and then the main event was on. Everyone prepared a ton of food to cook - I made kebobs with bacon-wrapped steak chunks - and we headed up to the roof. Our grill is pretty small so we were cooking things for the next 4 hours and then it was dark and we burned things and it was the only way I ever want to spend a day. We couldn't see the big Macy's fireworks display on the Hudson, but there were some fireworks going off around Brooklyn that we could sort of see behind buildings, and that was enough.

The happiest you will ever possibly see me.

business

2011-07-05T23:28:00.004-04:00

Yesterday was so great! I have a lot to say about it but I'm still pretty tired from loving America so hard. And really sunburned. Maybe tomorrow! Here's a backup drawing.

Everyday when I ride to work the train goes over the Manhattan Bridge and everyone checks their phones, because everyone likes to think they're important enough that someone tried to talk to them in the last half hour they were underground. I do it too, I am never important enough. Also, the view of the city from the Manhattan bridge is beautiful, all tourists should take the N train from Brooklyn into Manhattan as part of their tourist routine.

Happy 4th of July!

2011-07-04T00:39:00.004-04:00

Today we're going to Coney Island to see the hotdog eating contest!!!! I'll probably be tweeting about it, so follow me on twitter! It's so much fun!

The fourth of July is my favorite holiday. I love all summer cookout holidays. We're grilling on the roof later. I am the grill master and it is the happiest time of my life.

TOO SMALL FACE

2011-07-04T00:05:00.001-04:00

Too small face.

2011-07-03T00:40:00.003-04:00

This lady asked me for directions and I gave them to her. Then I drew a secret picture of her. Her shorts were too short.

When I first moved to New York, I got asked for directions ALL the time. The theory is that when you first move here there is a small window of time where you look like you know where you're going, and still look approachable. I haven't got asked in a few weeks, and I was sort of sad, because I really like giving directions.

HELLO?

2011-07-02T02:30:00.007-04:00

Why are crazy people always saying saying crazy stuff and then looking around and being like "Am I crazy here?"

"I want it JUMBO. Jumbo. JUMBO? HELLO? You got it? HAZELNUT. JUMBO. UHHEH. UH HEH."

Am I crazy here?

Today I went to treat myself to a bagel. My other favorite thing about New York is neighborhood bagel places. If you go in the morning, there will be a line, and there will be at least 1 crazy person in the line, guaranteed.

If you ever have to ask "Am I crazy here" or "Am I right?" you are probably crazy and not right.

One morning I was on the train, and it was packed with people. The train had bench seats, which were full. This lady standing next to me sees a tiny sliver of space between two people and leans over and SHOUTS at a seated woman's face: "Excuse me! EXCUSE ME! Why don't you move over so someone can sit there? HELLO? EXCUSE ME."

There is no room for another person. At all. The crazy lady starts looking around for people to back her up. "Can you believe this? Can you believe this? Am I crazy here? HEY. MOVE OVER!"

The people do not move over because there is no where for them to move. The crazy lady is fuming and then she snaps and just SITS DOWN in the tiny sliver of space, so she is seated on two people's laps. She slowly sinks down onto the bench as the people get squashed to either side. Everyone is instantly miserable. The lady keeps throwing her hands up in exasperation like, "Look what you made me do!" and continues to seek validation until she gets off 4 stops later. It was horrible.

Grouch.

2011-07-01T02:49:00.001-04:00

Just got home from work. This guy and I are best friends.

Goal

2011-06-29T21:05:00.003-04:00

I really like riding the subway. It is my number one favorite thing about living in New York, and I'll probably get tired of it eventually, but until then I love it every day. Except for when I'm late for work and my connecting train is just pulling away across the platform as I'm pulling up to the station. WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT. At that moment it is a culmination of all the helpless impotent rage I've ever felt in my whole life concentrated at one time.

The morning commute is also a great time to SLOWLY and CAREFULLY put on lip gloss.

Anyway, here is my new challenge. One subway stranger per day. Every day until I get beat up for creepin' on someone I shouldn't. Doable?

echo

2011-06-20T23:11:00.006-04:00

I eat my lunch at Madison Square Park, which is just a few blocks from my work. It's great. There's a dog park there that I like to stare at and talk in dog voices under my breath. There's also a giant white sculpture of a head right in the middle of the park.

I was sitting on a bench and this lady walked by who was staring at the sculpture. She suddenly stops in her tracks and says to a lady a couple benches down from me:

"Hey! Excuse me! What movie is that from?"
The lady on the bench is confused and says something probably like: "Huh?"
And the first lady goes: "That big giant head! It's from a movie! What movie is it from?"
"Huh?"
"Shoot, what's that movie. It's got those guys flying around. Those blue guys."
"... Avatar?"
"Yes! Avatar! That's what it's from! That's the movie! Thank you."
"What is happening."
"Thank you so much!"

This is the head, it's by Spanish artist Jaume Plensa.

Also I've actually never seen Avatar, so if there's a big giant head in that movie that makes this not funny, let me know.

Jerry.

2011-06-17T01:32:00.001-04:00

I could not get this conversation out of my head.
I'm in a funk.

2011-06-09T10:48:00.004-04:00

The past three weeks I haven't drawn a single thing that I've liked, except for this dog I drew just now.

Go ahead, lady

2011-05-20T01:14:00.006-04:00

I had this idea that I would start trying to do this kind of thing.

BLACK EYE

2011-05-09T10:12:00.006-04:00

This great anthology that I am in is finally out and my copy arrived on Saturday!

Item No. RP-02: BLACK EYE 1: Graphic
Transmissions to Cause Ocular
Hypertension
A new anthology that collects original narrative comics, art and essays by 41 international artists and writers, all focused on the expression of black, dark or absurdist humor. With comics and art by Stéphane Blanquet, Ivan Brunetti, Lilli Carré, Max Clotfelter, Al Columbia, Ludovic Debeurme, Olivier Deprez, Nikki DeSautelle, Brecht Evens, Andy Gabrysiak, Robert Goodin, Dav Guedin, Gnot Guedin, Glenn Head, Danny Hellman, Paul Hornschemeier, Ian Huebert, Kaz, Michael Kupperman, Mats!?, Fanny Michaëlis, James Moore, Tom Neely, Mark Newgarden, Paul Nudd, Onsmith, Emelie Östergren, Paul Paetzel, David Paleo, Martin Rowson, Olivier Schrauwen, Stephen Schudlich, Robert Sikoryak, Ryan Standfest, Brecht Vandenbroucke, Wouter Vanhaelemeesch and Jon Vermilyea. Original essays by Jeet Heer (on S. Clay Wilson), Bob Levin (on "The Adventures of Phoebe Zeit-Geist"), Ken Parille (on Steve Ditko) and Ryan Standfest (on Al Feldstein and EC). Also includes the text "100 Good Reasons to Kill Myself Right Now," by Roland Topor, translated into English for the first time by Edward Gauvin. Print run is limited to 1000 copies.

Picture and summary stolen from the editor and publisher, Ryan Standfest.

You can buy it online here, at Leopold's Books in Detroit, Desert Island in Brooklyn, or Quimby's Bookstore in Chicago.

On Friday, while travelling across the Canadian border, it was confiscated for being "obscene." That should add some coolness for you. They wrote about it at The Comics Journal. Sorry, mom.

Here's my page!

blue checkered shirt

2011-04-18T17:03:00.004-04:00

Here's some sketchbook stuff.

Sitting on the train, working at my retail job, and drawing pictures about both is a pretty good representation of my life right now.

This guy was sitting on the train next to me drawing a comic on a pad of paper. The comic was about his life, I guess. He was bad at it. He only drew one panel and it was just a picture of a guy with the words "Today I wore my blue checkered shirt." He either saw me drawing him and got self conscious, or just realized that it was a stupid thing to make a comic about.

This lady was cool.

How interesting do you think whatever this guy was saying is?

Dear Diary

2011-04-01T20:24:00.003-04:00

I saw this guy on the train the other day, with this blue book that said "This Day Belongs To You!" on the cover, set in a Curlz-esque font. I could see that the book was full of writing, a diary, filled all the way to the last page. This guy was just flipping through it with the most serene look on his face. My first thought was that he had stolen the diary, because the only thing that I could think of that would inspire such a look of serenity on MY face would be reading about someone else's problems. But maybe he was just some peaceful man-child without any worries in the world. He had a pen out and was making brief little notations.

This day belongs to you, sir.

No one in New York looks like this.

2011-03-21T18:08:00.003-04:00

Sorry I've been awol from this blog, I've been busy not looking like these people here.

More to come, soon! All drawings are orange now.

How to get 100 girlfriends.

2011-02-28T14:58:00.006-05:00

One of my favorite hobbies is eavesdropping on the conversations of strangers. The other day I was on the subway and this hipster couple next to me was trying to impress each other. They were talking about first concerts, and I overheard this little gem:

Girl: "I went to to Warped Tour when I was 15."
Guy: "Warped Tour, huh?"
Girl: "Yeah, I was a tough bitch."
Guy: "Or a stupid bitch. Is that it?"
Girl: "Oh."

SO MEAN! I was laughing so hard. I think I gave myself away.

day to day

2011-02-23T18:11:00.006-05:00

I keep going to the little grocery store around the corner with a shopping list, and then just not buying half the list because I can't find it in the store. I've gone 3 times to look for things I gave up trying to find, or for stuff I forgot to write down. I've got just about everything now except for the peanut butter. WHERE IS IT, FOOD TOWN? WHERE ARE YOU HIDING IT.

Asking a store clerk means you lose and don't deserve to eat.

I really love these small cramped stores, though. There's a Rite Aid down the street in a normal sized building, but there's ALSO a little family owned sort of drug store, that carries the entire contents of Rite Aid, except in a store 1/8th the size. WAY BETTER. I don't have time to walk from aisle 2 to aisle 8, are you kidding? I'm a business woman.

I also found a hardware store that is basically Home Depot crammed into a large closet. I kind of felt like I was going to die when I was in there but it was great and I got a good deal on an extension cord and some wire brads.

I used these supplies to set up a work station in my apartment, because the place has weird wiring and the outlet by the desk didn't have 3 prongs and couldn't fit any of my plugs. I nailed the wire up around some door frames, using a high heeled shoe as a hammer.

One thing I didn't realize about high heeled shoes is that it hurts as much as a hammer to get hit on the thumb with one. This is good to know in case I'm ever caught in a situation where I need a weapon and don't have one.

I've been meeting a lot of new people here, which has been great. One of the people I met told me to read the short story "Bernice Bobs her Hair" by F.Scott Fitzgerald. I didn't read it yet but I did read the wikipedia entry and it inspired a drawing that I finished in Illustrator.

I'll probably go read the story now.

Another thing is that being here and meeting so many new people has made me hyper aware of the way that I present myself. I'm trying to take advantage of the opportunity to do a bunch of first impressions. My motto for New York is "fake it til I make it."

WORST ANIMAL.

2011-02-21T17:56:00.004-05:00

I had sort of forgotten how much I hate pigeons. But don't worry, I remember now. I don't really like birds in general, but they are hardly ever close enough to me that I can hear the FLUTTERING. So sick. When a bird is fluttering near me I just feel like my air is completely ruined. I'm not really the type to ever think about germs, but around a pigeon or 100 pigeons it's all I can think of.

Also you can't trust a pigeon not to fly right at your face. They totally would do it.

JUST IMAGINE IT.

Everything besides the pigeons is great here. It's a small price to pay, I guess.

I drank all my roommate's juice because he was in Boston and I was gonna buy him more juice before he got back but he just walked in so I have to run to the store now. WHOOPS.

exhausted blogging, day 3

2011-02-12T21:00:00.003-05:00

We're not homeless anymore! Today we signed a 4.5 month lease, for a 2 bedroom apartment in Brooklyn in a neighborhood called Bay Ridge. I'm pretty sure every time I tell someone where I live I will say "Bay Ridge-I know it's far but IT'S OK I really like it" all in one breath.

The neighborhood is really nice and safe, there's a bunch of amenities, and it's just a normal place where normal people live. Hipster-free. Also there's an express train so relax.

Today I ate a Vietnamese sloppy joe, and a piece of pizza, and a cupcake.

GOOD DAY.

Too tired to blog DAY 2

2011-02-11T17:00:00.002-05:00

Today I walked in heels around the Time Square area because I had a job lead, and it felt great. I was alone so I was walking very purposefully, with no regard for anyone else. Really the only way to walk.

I liked feeling important for about 5 minutes, then I wished I was back as a bum wearing boots or sneakers.

I guess that's my life now.

I'M TOO TIRED TO BLOG

2011-02-10T22:58:00.004-05:00

I am writing this live from New York City. I am exhausssssted! We've been running around looking for a place to live today, and it turns out Brooklyn is really hard to get around if you're trying to get from one weird area to some other weird area. I think we were on a subway for a total of 5 hours today. 5 hours of just being on a subway. I helped a blind guy find a seat and then 20 minutes later he spit a bunch of phlem on the floor. It was gross. Enough phlem that it might as well have been vomit. You know how it goes.

I was feeling a little run down from it all, and then I ate a really great bagel. Everything bagel with cream cheese and chives. Coffee with 2 creams. PURE BLISS for however long it took me to eat it. Then I felt OK.

Then a little bit after that I ate a soup, and it was just vegetable broth with GIANT vegetables. Like, they didn't try and cut the vegetables up at all. It was good but it was like, Ok I'm eating a vegetable, OK now I'm chasing it with broth, OK now I'm eating a vegetable.

Eating and going on the subway are the two main reasons I'm moving here so don't think this wasn't a great day. I'm also too tired to go in an strategically add exclamation marks to show that I'm excited and genuine. Because I am!!!!

Now I'm going to email a bunch more strangers from the internet and ask to come over and look inside their homes.

News!

2011-02-05T17:05:00.009-05:00

Hey blog friends, sorry I left you hanging so long, but this blog post is going to be packed full of fun news items.

First, I have a page in this great anthology coming out along with a bunch of real life grown up big league cartoonists! I posted a taste of what I did for it last month, the final piece is really great and I'm really proud of it. Real high quality jokes. "BLACK EYE: Graphic Transmissions to Cause Ocular Hypertension," published by Rotland Press, is "an new anthology that collects original narrative comics, art and essays by 42 international artists and writers, all focused on the expression of black, dark or absurdist humor."

Cover by Onsmith and Paul Nudd

What can you do to help with my BIG BREAK? You can head on over to the Kickstarter page and throw down your milk money to help offset printing costs. Right here! While you're there, check out that list of names that I'm on.

Second thing: I am moving away to New York City this month to become a famous millionaire. I am very excited and scared and it is very exhilarating. I will miss Detroit and its wonderful inhabitants kind of more than you would even believe. But, it's about time for some adventure, and it might as well be somewhere where I can eat 20 bagels and then stand in the MoMA looking at pictures all day every day until I have died or I get job.

Speaking of jobs. I will soon be a famous millionaire, BUT, there might be a small period of time in between moving and achieving fame and success where I am poor and homeless, and for that time I could really use a job. Anyone know of anyone who could help me in that department?

These are the things I know how to do and have experience doing in exchange for money:
Drawing pictures
Arranging words together on a page
Teaching and hanging out with kids, except not where you need a certificate
Digital printing
Customer service/Reception/Admin support
Retail/smiling at customers/making correct change
Putting books on a shelf in the right order
Sandwiches

I'm particularly good at smiling.

So many girlfriends

2010-12-28T02:51:00.000-05:00

blood basin

2010-12-28T01:52:00.003-05:00

(1) Monkey

2010-12-28T01:38:00.003-05:00

I don't even know what's funny anymore.

bad dog

2010-12-12T02:28:00.008-05:00

One of my favorite things to look at during the winter is pictures of people who died trying to climb Mount Everest. It's so gruesome. I also replay the images constantly in my head every time I take Abby for a walk now. It's so cold out, holy crap.

There's ice everywhere and Abby loves winter and snow and cold so much. She jumps around like a maniac. I am super bundled and bent over from the cold, and I take small careful steps with my knees really bent the whole way, so I don't fall and shatter every bone in my body.

This is moments before I slip and am left to die of exposure and the neighbors find my body mummified from the cold and have to drive by it every day until spring because it is too cold and dangerous to retrieve it for burial.

Another great thing about winter is I haven't washed my hair in 8 days. I've showered but I hate getting my hair wet in the winter because it's long and takes forever to dry even with a hairdryer and I don't want my head to be cold and I'm lazy. So, whoops. Thanks, winter hats!

Piñata!

2010-12-07T19:23:00.008-05:00

This Friday was the opening of the Work:Detroit Touch show. Everything in the show invited audience participation, and you got to touch everything. I had a pinata in the show.

I put about 4 pounds of candy in there. I wasn't sure about my engineering skills but it held.

Photo courtesy of gallery director Stephen Schudlich.

My main worries about the thing was that it would either a) break open after one hit and be really anticlimactic, or b) not break open at all, but only sort of crumple in on itself, which is something that can happen with pinatas made of newspaper like this.

BUT. You guys. Neither of those things happened. It went PERFECTLY. There were so many people in the gallery, and everyone crowded around to watch and cheer. Six people got a chance to hit it. They got blindfolded and spun around by me. Everyone got 3 swings at it, and everyone hit it at least once out of their 3 swings. First the arm fell off, then the other arm, the someone got a headshot in that knocked half the hair off.

It was finally split open by artist Ryan Standfest.

Photo courtesy of a stranger.

It was beautiful. Everyone was smiling and cheering and having a great time. I kept laughing and stomping my feet, I was loving it so much.

It split open so perfectly. I think the heavy candy is what helped make it not crumple.

BONUS real life piñata lady. I bet that lady was REALLY kicking her self about her outfit choice. Unbelievable.

After it split, people dived for candy and body parts. Which were then relocated throughout the gallery.

All in all, a terrific time and a great show! The corpse is still hanging by the door, and the show is open until Dec 24. Lots of cool pieces, plus a free original artwork available by mail order from one Andy Gabrysiak.

BF

2010-12-02T00:52:00.004-05:00

This is sort of belated but this year I had some electronics I've been wanting to buy, and so for the first time ever I participated in BLACK FRIDAY.

I didn't go to any of the crazy stores like Walmart or Target because I didn't want a new TV, but I'm kind of bummed because I wanted to see the maximum frenzy. Next year I want to just go as a tourist.

I did a lot of Black Friday ad research and found two retailers selling what I wanted, a new computer monitor to hook up to my macbook, and a specific netbook I'd had my eye on. The ultimate goal was to retire my macbook to a life on the desktop as a "WORK" computer, which I hope will lengthen its life, and to get a cheap little baby lap top that I could cart around and use for emails and twitter on the couch and internet tv in bed.

First stop was Radio Shack, which had a really good deal on the netbook. My brother Joey agreed to be my team mate even though he didn't want to buy anything. Radio Shack opened at 5:30, and since it's sort of right by a Walmart we figured everyone would be there getting trampled, so we got up at 4:30 and got there at about 5:10. There was a small line so we trucked out of our car to go stand.

I forgot to mention that it was BITTERLY BITTERLY COLD OUT. When we left the house, my car's doors were all frozen shut. I had to bully the passenger side door open and after that, IT WOULDN'T CLOSE. So I was like, great, these deals are not work a broken car, but whatever, TOO LATE NOW.

Here's a picture of me outside of Radio Shack.

I like how I have ghost legs.

WELL it turned out that the ten or so people in line ahead of us at just come from Walmart. WHAT. They were all hardcore and were first in line there and bough their shit at 5:00 exactly and then came to Radio Shack right after. The guy in front of us was at Walmart all night to buy some laptop but it ended up not having a webcam so he didn't want it. He said that's why everyone else was in line too. WHAT Anyway we waited until the store opened and then it turned out Radio Shack only had ONE netbook at that price and some other asshole had got it before me.

At this point I am very sad and feeling like a total failure. But we were not going to fail at Office Max so I had the fury. Office Max is the one that had the deal on the monitor I wanted and they opened at 7.

We got to Office Max at 6. There was no line in front but there are a few cars idling in the parking lot. We park and discuss how everyone must be in a game of chicken for the first person to get out of their cars and all stand in line. Then some guy knocks on my window and he says they've created their own numbering system so they can wait in their cars. I said, well, that's civil, and take the number he offers me. It looks like this.

So I'm like, great, thanks for this scrap you tore from something on the floor of your car. Immediately me and Joey start talking how how this is going to fall apart, which it will. Someone will betray the system, or there will just too many people. As we are sitting taking advantage of this slight reprieve, more cars start showing up. The number guy is running around the parking lot, knocking on every car window and explaining their system. An Office Max employee comes out and is like, dude, please don't do that. You can't make your own numbering system, we can't honor it, we don't want a riot ok? Totally fine, Office Max guy. So we all get out of our cars and go stand in line.

We move up from 13 to 8th because the system is disintegrated. We have a sleeping bag to wrap up in, not because I cam super prepared for standing outside, but because I always have a sleeping bag in my car because I am a hobo. Still, it's real cold, and we're taking turns with the sleeping bag. BUT. Even worse than the biting freezing cold, was that the number system guy WOULD NOT STOP TALKING ABOUT THE NUMBER SYSTEM.

HOLY GOD. He would not stop talking about what an asshole Office Max was being, and how we had "all agreed to the number system" and how he was just trying to keep everyone from "freezing our asses off" and how "Office Max wants us to freeze our asses off" and how he wouldn't be as mad if "the employees would stand out here with us." YEAH RIGHT GUY, they already hate their lives because they had to get up at satan's asscrack of dawn to sell us shit we don't even need, I would never ask them to stand outside with us.

We had to listen to this guy constantly for nearly an hour, you guys. It was exscrutiating. If I had to choose between listening to this guy for an hour in 70 degree weather, and standing out in the freezfest and have him be dead, like, it would be a really tough decision.

Anyway, the cold wasn't even that bad because Joey and I took turns standing outside in a sleeping bag cocoon and sitting in the car. That's why the buddy system pays off, lonely guys.

My favorite part of the morning was having the guy in line behind me mutter "I can't believe I have to listen to this asshole" about the guy who wouldn't stop bitching. We then became friends.

ANYWAY, finally the store opened and we all went inside. I asked the guy who came out earlier and told us where everything was where the monitors were, and he said they were by the register. So I went over there, the OPPOSITE of where everyone else is going and say, one monitor please! The BITCH said "Monitors are over there!" across the store where there are now 100 people standing around confused. I almost cried. I blew it. I went over there, dodged through everyone being confused, grabbed some not as good of a deal monitor to hoard, and went over the register. SOMEHOW I am the 3rd person in line at the register. No waiting AT ALL. I couldn't believe it, but everyone was still being confused on the other side of the store.

I told the girl at the checkout that I had hoarded this one monitor but I really wanted this other one. She was like, ok great they're right here, here you go. AHAHAHAH PHEW! I had sent Joey on a mission to see the deals on the netbooks, and he found it, not as good as the Radio Shack deal but 20 bucks less than the Walmart price so he reports back as I'm checking out so I just buy the netbook too. While I am paying I look behind me and there seriously about 200 people in line behind me. The line stretched all the way to the back of the giant store. This was the other best part of the night. Being in the front of a huge line. Here's a blurry picture of it but you can't really see how far the line snakes around.

Whatever dudes, I know that Black Friday is like a heroin bender for capitalists but I really wanted to try it out. And I gotta say, I'm hooked. I'm going next year for sure. Standing in line with those people made me hurt in my heart with the perfect combination of tragedy and sense of community, which I strive for every day.

I just got around to setting up my purchases yesterday. I knew once I did I would just be on the computer forever. The giant monitor is kind of freaking me out. I did some work in Illustrator and the extra space from dual screens is just SO LUXURIOUS! I am experimenting with loading different OS onto the netbook and I am kind of way too excited about it? So I am still playing around and it is fun but also time consuming and making me hate computers. In like a hate but secretly love way.

After I got back from shopping I spent another 200 bucks on sweaters at the GAP.COM online sale, half of which I will return after I've tried them on. I was in a frenzy ok. I REALLY LIKE SWEATERS.

After that I went and worked 11 hours and then went and hung out with my friends until like 4, because I am an idiot.

GRAPHS!

2010-11-24T02:18:00.004-05:00

I don't even want to make a book anymore I just want to make GRAPHS.

I spent kind of way too long making these represent really accurate information.

Here's a graph of what states we were in on which day and how many miles we traveled, plus elevation.

Here's the key, which is showing up way bigger than everything else. I'm gonna have to differentiate between the the greens of the midwest a bit more.

Here's another about being in the car. The width of pictures represent mileage, totaling over 6,000. Each picture is a different day. States are represented by the color bars. Every picture was taken from out of the car window.

Here's the abstract version, which I like better.

Symbols

2010-11-09T00:21:00.006-05:00

I want to do something like this for each day. Although most days are just going to say drove and camped. With a scale for rating the beautiful majesty we saw. Still fiddling. There's so much crap to work out.

this is what I do on saturday nights.

2010-11-07T00:25:00.000-04:00

A friend of mine asked me how to make a pinata and I kind of lost my mind.

I am actually working on it

2010-11-05T14:29:00.003-04:00

Everything is so so ugly mid-project! I am moving stuff around a lot. And making a lot of place saver images in InDesign. There's going to be a pie chart apparently?

And my colors are clashing OUT OF CONTROL because there is like 3 different color schemes happening. We all need to sit down and have a talk.

I'm using the landscape illustration to track progress throughout the book on the bottom. That's the only part I like so far. I also want to add how many miles we went each day, and really wish I had logged it while on the trip. Now I have to go back and estimate with google maps. I haven't decided if I want to rework the landscape to reflect the actual distances traveled in each state, or just leave it with each state as a unit.

Nanodrawmogetitlol

2010-10-31T22:14:00.006-04:00

So, tomorrow is November, and I've always wanted to participate in Nanowrimo, but because I'm not really good at long writing, I will be pretending I'm participating and finishing my Road Trip book, which I've been sort of working on for the past however many months, but also a little just sitting with my thumb up my ass about it. I've finished some illustrations I want for it, in addition to doing a lot of planning, and the words are actually mostly written, they just aren't funny yet.

50,000 words is the Nanowrimo goal, and if a picture is worth 1,000 words, then that means I have to make 50 pictures. HAHA SEE WHAT I DID THERE. MATH. REAL LIFE. HAHA. GOD. So one picture is a page ok.

So that's 1 spread a day I guess. DOABLE.

Here's one of my many plan sheets. Before I was trying to plan it using regular sized sheets, and it just didn't work at all. This is the only way to do it.

I only ever get things done if I make up fake reasons and pretend the internet is holding me accountable.

butts

2010-10-26T01:21:00.006-04:00

Here's some little icons I made for the book that I will NEVER FINISH WRITING.

That is actually an extremely realistic representation of this lady who was waiting in line ahead of us at a gas station in Illinois, who didn't understand how pants work. Later in the trip we started calling these people "Middlies." Short for Middle Americans.

cats

2010-10-21T16:57:00.006-04:00

This past Saturday I teamed up with Charlie Slick, musician and inventor, to paint this award winning painting during a live art performance. Charlie made a giant Spirograph, which worked impeccably to create that background pattern, and then I painted a cat.

It's 4 feet tall and makes an excellent centerpiece for any room.

We were set up in a basement bar in Ypsilanti underneath a Mongolian Barbecue. There were 3 other artists there, and a screen printer. The girl next to us had art that had a lot of feelings and was very "political." She made a painting of the basement bar we were in and everyone standing around in it. Except she also added green alien guys into the crowd. That was her artistic license. Next to her there was this guy sitting at a tiny table with headphones on painting this weird line drawing on a canvas. He didn't look up or talk to anyone the whole time. I don't know what his deal was.

On the other side of us there was this girl doing "live model painting" where she painted on these two dudes. For the first part of the night she was just sitting in a chair waiting for her models to get there and we weren't sure what her deal was either. Then some guy came and climbed up on the chair wearing only his underwear and she painted a sun on him. I got uncomfortable while she was painting his underwear right over his junk. It was right next to us. Then another guy came and she painted a moon on him. Sun and moon, cool. She was using acrylic paint on those guys and I don't know if you have ever had acrylic paint painted on your skin but when it dries it totally sucks. Those guys probably really hated her then. Maybe that was part of the art too.

People were pretty into our piece when we were doing the spirograph part. We were trying to pace ourselves because we were gonna be there for 5 hours so we took our time and tried to make each step really important. No one else tried to pace themselves and they all finished before us. The joke turned out to be on us because then all the audience left and went to go stand in front of the weird DJ or sit by the bar.

So then I painted the cat and a few people looked at me, which was weird. I usually hate painting in front of people but I guess painting a giant cat in a girl outfit is different. Some guy came by and told me that it was pretty good but if I wanted it to be great I should make the cat be "suckling on a divine breast." And then said some things about bishops. I think he was trying to be funny.

I said, yeah ok buddy. That's not how jokes work.

2010-10-12T21:38:00.003-04:00

Here's something from my sketchbook.

Whenever I'm stuck, I know I can always draw a cat.

magical laser website

2010-09-30T23:14:00.005-04:00

A few weeks ago I found out about this website, ponoko.com, that will laser cut stuff for you out of all kinds of different materials: felt, acrylic panel, mdf, wood, leather, even METAL. It is SO GREAT. I immediately knew I wanted to make something using this process, but I didn't know what. I still don't know what. But I'm brainstorming. I sent a test file in just to get a look see at what the quality was like. I got it in the mail today and the precision of the cuts and engraving is just beautiful. So clean.

You can also BUILD stuff by making plans and laying out all the separate pieces that will fit together. I really want to build something.

Here's the little lion I got cut out of an acrylic sheet. I just want to look at it all the time.

I'm gonna try felt next.

tour de troit

2010-09-25T21:51:00.007-04:00

Today me and my dad and my brother rode in Tour de Troit, a 30 mile bike ride through the city. It was our second year doing it and it was great! There were somewhere around 3,000 people.

The ride starts at Roosevelt Park, in front of Michigan Central Station, and loops around the city, ruining people's days who are trying to drive anywhere. Sorry everyone who had to wait for 3,000 people on bikes pretending to be cars to go past before they could pull out of their apartment building, or cross a street or something.

It was pretty windy today, and the ride was fine except for one part where we were riding directly into the 200 mph wind for about 3 miles. MISERABLE.

The meeting spot.

So many people! Also, so much spandex. :/

Me and my bro at the halfway break. COOL HELMETS!

paint?

2010-09-21T01:19:00.006-04:00

Today I was having an existential crisis/organizing my studio space, and I had a sudden urge to do a painting to take a break from the crisis.

I haven't painted in about a year and a half. I forgot how when doing a self portrait like this, you don't have to think hardly anything at all.

I only used burnt umber, yellow ochre and white, because I hate mixing colors. It got me about an hour of peace.

Also here's a nice picture of a deer

2010-09-13T14:55:00.003-04:00

Awww

One time when I was a kid I was playing in the woods behind our house and I found a dead deer. It had no eyes and the empty sockets were staring directly at me. I had nightmares about it forever afterward.

cool story

2010-09-13T14:47:00.006-04:00

I re-did this in an exercise in type-bullying. Also I made it more gross.

highfive infographic

2010-09-05T23:15:00.005-04:00

I had the WORST highfive the other night. A bad highfive is enough to make you wanna cut your own hand off. I could feel the wrongness of it like a residue on my palm for hours afterward.

I made this instructional poster to help make this never happen again.

America has a lot of stuff in it

2010-09-05T23:08:00.005-04:00

Here's a video I made about my road trip!

Dysmenorrhea

2010-09-01T22:12:00.009-04:00

I hate this fight.

Everyone in this jungle is really surprised all the time

2010-08-27T00:10:00.001-04:00

Lion 3.0

almost there.

AH.

2010-08-24T00:58:00.002-04:00

This is something that people with blogs do, right?

2010-08-22T02:15:00.009-04:00

Best to worst.

I feel pretty bad putting Basil Rathbone so far down on the list (and below Wishbone) but sorry buddy there has been some really tough competition.

Honorable mention:

landscapes.

2010-08-10T21:56:00.008-04:00

TOPOGRAPHY

self portrait as a crab monster.

2010-08-04T23:46:00.002-04:00

I've been sort of extra fighty lately. Sorry everyone if I ever tried to destroy you.

Keeping my mouth shut

2010-08-02T20:15:00.005-04:00

The other day I was shopping for a winter coat, because I know it's the middle of summer but there are sales.

I was going through the racks of bargains, and this lady was trying on this red coat right next to me. And she was all frowny-face "I can't decide if I like this one!" And her boyfriend was there and he was all frowny-face "This has been going on way too long!" And the thing was, the coat fit her nice but it was NOT the right color red for her. I am not any kind of fashionista or anything, but even I could see that it was Too Orange and completely wrong for her complexion. Reds are tricky, OK.

I suddenly got worried that one of the sales people would come over and tell her it looked fine and she would buy it, because those sales people are heartless sometimes. So I figured it was my DUTY, and I told her that it fit great but that I didn't think that color red was quite right on her. I was going for friendly and tried to convey a sort of "shopping is hard I know rite we'll find our perfect coat one day" camaraderie. But sometimes I can't control my face? And maybe she thought I was making fun of her. Or saying that she shouldn't try and wear red and that she was an idiot for thinking that. Even though I WASN'T AT ALL SAYING THAT I was just trying to help her make a decision.

All I know is I watched her face just completely shut down, and I knew that I should have minded my own business. Her boyfriend was like, "Well, there you go!" and looked cheerful, not knowing I had just completely ruined both of their days. The lady took off the coat like it burned her and hung it up and walked away without saying anything.

IT WAS HORRIBLE. And I felt horrible. Because she was probably really proud of herself for making a bold color move? BUT REALLY, if I was trying on a coat and I couldn't decide on it, and I was about to make a BIG MISTAKE, I would appreciate a friendly stranger telling me their honest opinion. A bright red coat is a big decision, OK.

Also, lady, you shouldn't need me to tell you can't wear red-orange. That's something you should have figured out about yourself years ago.

f

2010-07-19T23:42:00.001-04:00

one of those days
/weeks

don't look at me

2010-07-08T02:01:00.011-04:00

Hey blog! I've been back from my trip for a couple weeks now, sleeping and going back to work and stripping polyurethane and sludge off my mother's kitchen cabinets, but I'm ready to get back in the blogging saddle. I had originally wanted to make a sort of big giant "I'm back!" post with a ton of good stuff, but I'm probably going to be processing this trip for a while, so I'll just post bits as I go.

Here's a little taster anecdote or whatever.

We saw a bunch of majestic mountains and waterfalls and rocks and stuff in Yosemite National Park, but the only thing I drew there was this creepy as hell little girl who would not stop staring at me.

We were on the bus that ran through the park, going back to our car after trying to hike up this mountain:

We didn't make it because we ran out of supplies.

And OK, I was sweaty and tired and had a lobster arm, and I was wearing Cool Guy (TM) sunglasses, but I wasn't that interesting. I did not merit that intense of a scrutiny. Straight on starting at me the whole bus ride. I was watching her out the corner of my eye, and she would look away briefly, and then SNAP right back to me. Like she was worried she'd miss something. I don't know, you guys.

I hope you're enjoying the heat wave, sittin around in your underwear and eating cold versions of all your favorite foods.

ROAD TRIP!

2010-06-02T22:09:00.002-04:00

I'm leaving on my trip tomorrow! Road trip America, 2010! United States in 17 days. We're not going to see everything, but we are going to see a LOT.

This is gonna be me at various natural wonders. Catch you later!

Get away from me.

2010-05-31T22:04:00.003-04:00

I'm going to call everything "films"

2010-05-27T22:20:00.006-04:00

I bought this camcorder for my trip! I'm pretty excited about it. I'm trying to figure out how it works. It's not super fancy but it's good enough for youtube.

Here's my brother and my dog dancing in the family room. Business as usual.

lookout

2010-05-23T00:06:00.008-04:00

I like how I post a picture of a cake and then disappear for a week and a half.

Census is going good yadda yadda! Here's a new poster.

I'm funny.

Betty Crocker

2010-05-13T01:30:00.008-04:00

This cake is pretty much the story of my life.

I'm going to open up a bakery. "Everything's better in a pile!" That's the slogan.

That cake was delicious, by the way.

ears and lips

2010-05-12T02:06:00.006-04:00

I don't know about that ship.

being cool

2010-05-09T00:17:00.005-04:00

I recently got contact lenses, which has allowed me the luxury of wearing sunglasses and being able to see at the same time. I have taken full advantage and now wear sunglasses at all times.

Also I made two more proverb flags at the DIA today. Trying to stay loose and stay making stuff.

It is freezing in my house right now.UGHHH

boo

2010-05-05T00:10:00.004-04:00

Here's a doodle from census school. I kind of hated everyone at census school.

But I'm out of training now and working my "beat." It's a pretty neat job, it's half knocking on doors and talking to nice old ladies, and half trying to be a detective/stalker to figure out when people will be home or where they are. I also have a few mystery houses where the neighbors say they haven't seen the residents in months or years. I'm probably going to have to enumerate a Boo Radley at least once. I can't wait.

2010-04-30T23:27:00.002-04:00

We're still making proverb flags at the DIA! Here's one I made during my shift today.

That pen is kind of a bully.

Also I'm doing this thing now? It's called Twitter? I dunno. It's weird. I'm practicing for my trip. I tried to do it before because I really like it IN THEORY. Because I really like text messages because they are like little poems. And this is just like text messaging except you don't need any friends, you can just text the internet. Anyway I didn't get into it last time I tried twittering from the computer, but I did the thing where I can do it from my phone, which is the true spirit, so we'll see.

2010-04-30T01:27:00.003-04:00

If you didn't fill out your Census watch out cause I'm gonna GET YOU.

I've decided to postpone my crazy road trip until June 3rd, cause I'm making some BUCK$ working for America right now. I have a badge.

I swore all kinds of confidentiality oaths and stuff so I can't tell you any fun stories about weirdos, but I'm really looking forward to meeting all kinds of strangers and seeing into their houses.

This dog

2010-04-21T23:46:00.001-04:00

needs to be left alone.

this one and then 7 more, horse, if you wanna stay healthy.

2010-04-21T00:35:00.003-04:00

this horse is probably going to get kidney stones

Road Trip!

2010-04-17T23:00:00.008-04:00

Planning trips is stressful and exhilarating. I love it. And there are TONS of great resources out there, which really just makes for more stuff to pour over.

I'm heading out May 10th with my brother and my good buddy Becca for Road Trip America 2010. Thirteen states, ten of which I have never been to before. It's going to be the best. Also also horrible because it is 100 hours of driving. Suffering is important to me for some reason. I'm trying to think of different ways to document it. I'll probably re-install my twitter account. Also a new zine should come out of it. Ghost towns, ghost highways, canyons, giant trees, mountains, deserts, cliffs, and the OCEAN which everyone says is going to be too cold to swim in but I'm going to try anyway.

get outta there!

2010-04-12T18:52:00.001-04:00

Pigs love pearls

2010-04-11T00:03:00.001-04:00

hummmmm

2010-04-07T01:35:00.008-04:00

Added type and some embellishments.

"A bird in the hand" text is warring too hard with that yellow. Might have to cheat it a little lighter than the gray? I tried it in brown and it was too much brown. HUMMMM.

a bird in the hand.

2010-04-06T20:38:00.006-04:00

We're making proverb flags at the DIA this month.

I don't know about this one. Also the feet are kind of my favorite part but maybe they are too detailed and don't fit. Sometimes having a favorite part is a good way to ruin something. I can't believe how simple this is and how long it still took me to make it. I'll probably come back to it after I stop looking at it for a while.

Leaves of three, let it be.

2010-03-31T23:52:00.019-04:00

Watch out everyone. That rhyme didn't do me any damn good because, even though I am a trained woodsman, I got poison ivy on my wrist and it is the worst. I've also somehow become immune to both aloe and calamine lotion. While both of these worked great in the beginning, they are now completely ineffectual. All I can think about is itching, since itching it feels like HEAVEN. Except for when you stop itching and look and there's blood and pus everywhere.

Poison ivy is the worst because it is insidious. You don't even have to get it from the leaves you can get it from an old dead vine that just looks like nothing. Also it lasts FOREVER! I'm going on 2 weeks now. I can't even sleep anymore. I'm so glad it's only on this one spot on my wrist, otherwise I'd have ripped off all my skin.

I'm putting up posters to replace the old useless rhyme (do you have any idea how many plants have three-leaf clusters? Pretty much all of them) and help save future generations.

It's so much grosser in person: shinier and redder and globbier. It makes me and other people uncomfortable to see these weird lesions on my hand when I am trying to sell them stuff or teach them how to draw, so I wear my typing gloves everywhere I go to hide it. The problem is the gloves are pretty ratty after a winter of typing so I look like a serious hobo. I don't want anyone to think I'm making a fashion statement, OK? So if you see me and think I'm a hobo now, just know I'm only trying to cover up the oozing welts on my hand and wrist.

stupid cat.

2010-03-28T15:35:00.001-04:00

You're not going to live forever.

philosophy

2010-03-26T23:57:00.002-04:00

John Locke, philosopher and dead guy.

one way ticket to Titan

2010-03-23T23:51:00.006-04:00

Saturn has too many moons. Sixty-three, that’s a ton. Most of them are small. This picture isn't accurate at all.

Did you know Titan is the only known body in the solar system besides Earth to currently have liquid? Not water though, liquid Hydrocarbons, but still. I guess liquid is pretty special. And rare apparently.

I think I saw a documentary about this once OR if it wasn't about Titan it was about Jupiter's moon Europa having liquid water under its ICY SHELL. Maybe it was about both of them. I think there was some computer generated water creatures.

OR I just wanted to watch a documentary about it so badly that I completely fabricated a memory of it.

inspiration

2010-03-11T00:58:00.006-05:00

Taking my computer to the Apple store computer doctors tomorrow. FINGERS CROSSED. Luckily I have my parents' trusty PC to, you know, check facebook 80 times in the interim.

In the meantime, I'm really super in love with and inspired by the work of this guy, Sanjay Patel.

There's a great interview with him over at Grainedit, you should check it out. The best part is the millions of progress shots, which I LOVE.

difficulties.

2010-03-08T21:17:00.003-05:00

ACTUALLY P.S. don't hold your breath. Having computer issues so I am on borrowed computers until I can get my Macbook into the Apple store. Thank god it still has a few months of that 3 year warranty I ALMOST DIDN'T BUY. Because if not everyone in the world might have gotten murdered by my hulk rage.

2010-03-03T00:08:00.008-05:00

I'm all about the ocean now.

Sometimes I'll get into a really good groove in Illustrator, and I'll be clicking and copying and arranging and clip masking and I use a lot of the key board short cuts, and so there will be moments every once and a while where I click so much I feel like I'm playing some sort of musical instrument. Which is cool, if, you know, you're into that kind of thing.

PS Help me out by voting for my poster some more! :)

2010-03-02T02:18:00.004-05:00

Oh yeah here's a finish/redux of that octopus, using some vellum texture and a pattern I found on an old paycheck stub.

I pronounced "redux" as "re-ducks" in my head just now, and then was like, wait, that sounds ridiculous that can't be right. But it is.

2010-02-26T00:20:00.002-05:00

sad spine/smug spine

2010-02-25T13:30:00.008-05:00

I'm feeling like an old lady lately! What's the deal with these back pains. Bad posture and weak core or something.

Here's a current x-ray of my spine.

Those smug ones at the top are the worst. Come on guys you're supposed to be a team!

Also I google image searched "ruined spine" KIND OF cringingly half hoping for some really horrifying gross pictures, and I was pretty disappointed when they were all pretty tame.

But I did find this nice diagram for good posture.

SUCK IN YOUR GUT.

Also thanks so much to everyone voting for my poster!!!

(I'm probably going to link to it every post now because I am a creep.)

Let's Save Michigan! VOTING

2010-02-23T11:17:00.008-05:00

Hey ok! I'm a finalist! There are 59 other really awesome posters, including my friends Maria Filar and Mike Burdick.

SO, please vote for my poster!

VOTE HERE

I know everyone liked the paper cut out one, but that one didn't get in! Not WPA enough I guess? I got a very nice rejection letter for it. So vote for the other one only if you can stomach it.

You can vote once a day, so if you've ever wanted to be a part of something BIG, you could maybe even vote for me every day until March 15th! Make it a part of your daily routine. Email, facebook, voting.

I think it would be really funny/great if I got second place in this too. ALWAYS THE BRIDESMAID.

It kind of stresses me out that you can vote once a day. Like I already have to talk to everyone I know and ask them to vote for me, I don't want to do that every day.

Also, does it just count by different email addresses? Could one person theoretically just submit a bunch of different email address? Like, what if I went in there myself and just entered in the entire CCS mailing list? Or does it only allow one vote per IP address? But everyone in my family could be voting from the same IP address. Or everyone at a workplace.

THESE ARE MY CONCERNS!

Maybe I should email them. Maybe I shouldn't have put that nefarious idea out into the world. But it only takes one ambitious housewife to win a voting contest.

CAKE

2010-02-22T20:46:00.009-05:00

Also: I know this isn't really the forum for this, and I'm not really like, a baker, or a baking expert. Or really someone who can do anything demonstrating the warmth or subtlety of anything remotely domestic. BUT. I just recently baked a cake so delicious that the Walmart moms of the world would be really impressed by me and welcome me into their large bosomed embrace.

So, I would really like to share with you this recipe. Because I don't want to share the actual cake. It combines three desserts into one, so you can eat triple the calories in the time it takes to eat one dessert. Time saver.

FIRST: Bake a cake. A box cake. I used chocolate. Duncan Hines.
SECOND: Mix up some Jell-o, using half the water so it's concentrated. Pour it on the cake you just baked. Cherry is the only way to go if you're being serious.
THIRD: Instant pudding. THIS IS THE FROSTING.

Ahahahahahahahahaha. Can you visualize this??? Then you put it in the fridge so the Jell-o becomes gelatinous and then you eat 20 slices. My stomach hurts. My mom and I are kind of in a fat race to finish it.

Cephalopod party

2010-02-22T18:14:00.003-05:00

Lil cuttlefish! I like this animal because their eyes looks like sad little mouths.

"I'm squirmy!"

watch out for nets

2010-02-22T01:29:00.002-05:00

I'm going to sleep.

owls

2010-02-22T00:38:00.004-05:00

Today at work my coworker asked me to draw an owl and I drew her one, badly, and then later I drew these cute ones. I know owls aren't in super vogue anymore, but humor me.